Our close relationships are a mirror. They act to mirror ourselves, the best and worst aspects of ourselves. Relationships can ignite our struggles or soothe our worries and minds. When they’re right, relationships can feel like real magic. I have helped a number of hypnotherapy clients look at why they have anxiety about relationships they are in or wish to get into. Sometimes it’s therapy for commitment or it’s about working out exactly how they feel about the other person.
Experiencing anxiety in intimate relationships and tips to reduce worry
Even when a relationship is on track and is completely right, you can still experience anxiety, which can steal the magic somewhat. It can then be easy to loosen the connection between the two of you, even though it’s right in so many ways. All relationships must include trust, tenderness, lots of patience and a willingness to be vulnerable. People with a lot of anxiety often have these resources, and are capable of giving them generously to the relationship. The stumbling block is that their anxiety can sometimes just as quickly knock them off track. I see many hypnotherapy clients for anxiety in London who are concerned that they are in effect self-sabotaging their relationships via anxiety.
If you are someone who can sometimes struggle with anxiety, be aware that there are many things about you that would always make loving you very easy. Remember that all relationships struggle sometimes and it’s when also anxiety is in the mix that the struggles can become quite specific.
Relationship anxiety is part of the normal flow of life
Anxiety can, of course, work in curious ways. As you may have experienced, relationship anxiety will impact different relationships in different ways. This means that the following may not be relevant for every single relationship. Use the relationship anxiety tips here to strengthen your relationship and provide protection for it to withstand daily anxiety:
Ensure your emotional resources are nourished.
You might be super sensitive to the needs of others. Maybe you can give openly and abundantly to your relationship. Sometimes though, relationship anxiety can be a drain on those resources. This is completely normal and okay. There is plenty of positives that come with love, to make up for this. However, it may also mean that you have to ensure emotional resources are topped up. Make a habit of making sure your partner gets your attention, affection, gratitude, touch and conversation when you are around him or her. Yes, that might mean getting off your phone or sacrificing sometimes.
Let your partner know that you are a support too.
Your partner could be reluctant to worry you with concerns, particularly if they don’t seem as big as what you could be struggling with. People with relationship anxiety do have lots of emotional strength. It’s a fact that you can’t live without some anxiety, so make sure your partner knows their worries are valid too.
Tell them that you support them. I see with clients in London that partners of anxious people can sometimes dismiss their own worries as unimportant. They then are less nurtured and supported by their partner. This is a huge loss for both of you.
Let your partner in on what’s on your mind
Having anxious thoughts can feel lonely and very personal. It can be helpful to let your partner in on them. Sharing your thoughts is an important part of intimacy. You might be thinking about what you need in order to feel safe, also what feels uncomfortable for you and what might go wrong. You may also have a larger ability to think about other people. It’s often the case that anxious people are over thinking what others might need.
Asking for reassurance is fine.
Relationship anxiety can make you doubt the things that don’t need to be worried about. Ask for reassurance, but not too much. Ask once or twice and no more, since asking too many times could be felt as neediness. Neediness is unhelpful and reduces desire and over time can put a dampener on the relationship spark.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Relationship anxiety can, for some people, stoke the need for constant reassurance. For others, it can cause them to hold back affection or be less willing to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is about being open to another person. It’s really the battery of successful and healthy relationships. Fear of being vulnerable is often a fear of being hurt. However by protecting yourself too much you don’t let people to get too close. It’s about allowing people to see the fragile, messy, and untamed parts of you. It’s easy to put a mask on and be who you think others want to see. It’s often a challenge to just be yourself.
Be careful not to project anxiety onto your relationship.
Don’t blame your relationship anxiety on the shortcomings of your partner. When you feel anxious you may look for a target, an anchor to hold it still and to make sense of it. It’s easy to ‘project’ or throw your anxiety in the direction of the other person, seeing them as the problem.
Relationship anxiety can lead to inaction
It’s easy to get stuck. I find that many of my London hypnotherapy for anxiety clients feel that they need help getting past blocks. They feel a bit lost or stuck. What you put your focus on will be what becomes important. If you focus on all the possible problems, then they’ll be what feels big and important. Focus also on the good things. Become more proactive by planning fun activities and ways to connect more to each other.
Relationship anxiety is not easy to navigate. Yes, falling in love can be magical. Yet also getting close to another person can be a tough journey too. If you are looking for help with any issues mentioned in this article, get in touch for some anxiety help.