Are you looking for help with pornography addiction? You might feel that your usage has become too frequent, for too long in duration and may be affecting your mental health or relationships. Perhaps you arrived here as you went online and searched for ‘porn addiction counseling near me’. This page came up and so let me explain how my sessions in London and online could help you.
What is Porn addiction?
Pornography has always been somewhat controversial all by itself. This means that porn addiction is even more controversial. There is a debate amongst professionals if it is an addiction at all. However people that come to me for porn addiction counseling do really feel compelled to use it and feel it is something that is having a negative affect on them in many ways.
Some people think porn is inherently harmless and could be an outlet for stress or sexual frustration. Of course, at the other end of the spectrum, people also think it is inherently harmful and evil.
Porn addiction counseling help
Sessions will vary in goals. For many people, porn addiction counseling aims to help them:
- clarify values around pornography and many other topics.
- find ways to live inline with those values in the least harmful way possible.
- discover the causes of behaviours
- Find new ways to ‘self-soothe’ and look after wellbeing
Is pornography addiction a moral Issue?
I do not judge anything clients say or discuss with me. Often people come in with a lot of feelings of shame or guilt. It is not my job to add to that or re-enforce that. In fact often we are exploring how to treat the self with more kindness and compassion. Yes, we all do things we sometimes would prefer not to do. The trick is to enquire into why we do and not berate ourselves or label ourselves as wrong or defective in some way.
Sometimes clients will come from a religious background and will themselves consider pornography as wrong, morally or religiously. I work inline with a person’s values and never against them.
Addiction to porn is a real addiction. It’s not something made up by anti-porn activists. We can view it to have three different levels of severity, such as:
- Value incongruence.
- Compulsive porn use.
- Addictive porn use.
Porn addiction can be viewed as a behavioural addiction or process addiction. It’s a compulsive behaviour that causes depression, anxiety, and sometimes sexual dysfunction. People overcoming porn addiction often have withdrawal symptoms when trying to quit. During my London sessions, it is this which we have to address also. A person can feel depressed, anxious, angry, guilty, ashamed, and frustrated. There is also risk that porn addiction escalates into sex addiction.
Addiction to pornography can be difficult for people from a religious background. Indeed often this is true for people who are not religious now (or ever) but grew up in a home or community which had traditional values about sex and sexuality. In fact every value system in the world, religious or not, has values about sex. Thus, every value system in the world also has values about pornography. The culture or home in which we grow up in will communicate values about sex and sexual activities. So, shame can be felt when we have unwittingly absorbed these values.
For example, I have heard from some religious Christians, that they view pornography addiction to be similar to idolatry. Meaning that a person looks for satisfaction from porn rather than from God. I work with people’s belief system, but it is important to acknowledge if beliefs, even ones that seem sincere, do in fact contribute to positive mental health or not.
Pornography counseling and warning signs of addiction
A common brief screening tool for sex addiction is the PATHOS survey. This is NOT a definitive diagnosis, but a signal that it may be wise to seek help. This is also not a full list of diagnostic criteria, but it is a good place to start. There are six yes or no questions on the PATHOS survey. If you answer, “yes,” to two or more, it may be wise to seek a further assessment.
- Do you often find yourself preoccupied with thoughts about porn or sex? [Preoccupied]
- Do you hide some of your sexual behaviour from others (including porn use)? [Ashamed]
- Have you ever sought help for sexual behaviour you did not like? [Treatment]
- Has anyone been hurt emotionally because of your sexual behaviour (including porn use)? [Hurt others]
- Do you feel controlled by your sexual desire or drive to use porn? [Out of control]
- When you have sex or use porn, do you feel depressed afterward? [Sad]
Other possible symptoms of porn addiction
For the sake of the questions below, “porn-related activities” include:
Thinking about porn.
Planning for time to use porn.
Masturbation
Hiding evidence of your porn use.
Many of these questions reflect the more severe negative effects of porn addiction.
Escalation or Acceleration
Is the period of time spent on porn-related activities increasing?
Is your frequency of porn-related activities increasing?
Is the content of the porn you consume becoming more graphic or specific?
Is the content of the porn you consume becoming more degrading, shameful, or violent?
Is the content of the porn you consume increasingly violating your own values?
Have you started to become aroused in places where you use porn, even though you are not using or thinking about porn at the time?
Have you combined porn-related activities with other addictive substances?
Have you combined porn-related activities with other addictive behaviours? For example: gambling, shopping, or binge eating?
Have you spent money on porn, when you didn’t truly want to?
Withdrawal
When you are unable to engage in porn-related activities, do you feel sad, anxious, or irritable, tense or on edge or struggle to focus or stay on task?
Impairment
Are you more interested in porn-related activities than other activities you enjoy?
Are you more interested in porn-related activities than sex with your partner?
Are you unable to achieve arousal without viewing or thinking about porn?
Are you unable to achieve orgasm without viewing or thinking about porn?
Consequences
Have you used porn in places where there could be severe consequences (school, work, or in public)?
Have you experienced consequences for your porn use and continued to use porn? For example: loss of job, suspension or expulsion from school, arrest for indecency, etc.
Have you continued to use porn even though your partner has asked you to stop?
Do you hide your porn use from people you love, or who love you?
Using pornography to cope with stress or anxiety
Sex involves a powerful cocktail of neurotransmitters and hormones. Healthy sex naturally has a small anti-depressant or anti-anxiety effect. Sex involves the dopamine system, the same system that meth and cocaine stimulate. The dopamine system is especially during foreplay and initial arousal. In porn the dopamine system is on while “on the hunt” for the perfect video or while anticipating orgasm. Sex also involves the endorphin system, the same system that opiates stimulate. The endorphin system is most active after orgasm.
So, it makes sense that porn use can self-medicate anxiety or depression. It can also self-medicate relationship issues or sexual dysfunctions. At the same time, it often adds to those same relationships issues. This is very like other behavioural addictions. Any behaviour in everyday life may become addictive when used to cope with other problems.
Is pornography addiction a sign of mental health problems?
Addiction to pornography may overlap with mental health problems. Yet, it’s a bit of a chicken-and-egg issue: which one came first? Which one is the cause and which one is the symptom? Some people are struggling with a mental health disorder and use pornography to self-medicate. Some people develop depression or anxiety because of the shame and distortions that usually come as a result of porn consumption.
Relationship issues usually develop because porn use violates the expectations the relationship. They can also have a chicken-and-egg relationship with porn addiction or other mental health disorders.
Porn addiction counseling near me
Individual porn addiction can be reduced and managed. This is where my sessions in London and online can really help you. Not everyone needs counseling. Some only need one safe friend to support them along the way – a person they see face to face, not only online. Some need a support group. Some need therapy.
If you have been unable to quit porn on your own, or with support, professional treatment is wise to consider. An effective treatment process will start with screening for any co-occurring mental health disorders and other addictive behaviours. During sessions at my office in London, we look at why you are using pornography and aim to get to roots causes of the addiction. Get in touch today to find out more.
